It’s not an easy journey, but I know my voice matters.
A local domestic violence survivor rounds up all her courage and talks about her life in hell.
Survivor: I moved to Houston to take a new job. It was a tough transition for me and my kids, but we did it together and we were all very happy.
After a while I decided to date again and met my future husband. We really clicked, he was charming, funny and so easy to get along with. On our third date he told me that he was falling in love with me and on our fifth he said that he was going to marry me. I was taken back at how fast this was happening but somehow I felt at peace with him and trusted him.
Less than a year later we got married and I quickly got pregnant. He wasn’t happy about the pregnancy and blamed me… saying that I had done it on purpose. He began to act very erratically and to cheat… it was like living in hell. He would scream at me, call me names and say he was leaving me. When I was nauseous from the pregnancy he would get right up in my ear and say, “Throw up! Throw up you stupid bi*ch”, shove me up against the wall in our bathroom and tell me I disgusted him. He would then apologize the next day. This behavior continued throughout my pregnancy…
Q: What was the final act that got you to leave and/or seek help?
Survivor: Unfortunately I was stuck in an abusive marriage with someone I dearly loved and didn’t want to get a divorce at all. I was convinced if my husband and I got help we could get through anything and went to many therapists. We had been divorced for several months when I finally realized that I had to put a stop to this nightmare. That evening he physically hit me, bruised my arm heavily, called me an idiot and a loser, all in front of our child.
It was a huge wake-up call for me. I realized I was the only one who could help my child and I needed to gather the strength to stand up to him.
Q: Did you seek out help from an outside organization and/or group?
Survivor: I’ve spoken to the Domestic Violence Hotline a few times over the past few years during my pregnancy and when I had a newborn. I’ve called various legal aid groups for assistance and advice and most recently the Texas Advocacy Project in Austin. I also went to the police, the Family Violence Center, Child Protective Services and District Attorney’s Office.
Q: What are you doing now to help yourself heal?
Survivor: I try to rest a lot at night after I get the kids to bed. I go to bed early and spend time with my children. The family courts limited our communication (at my request) to a website called “our family wizard” which helps keep communication at bay. I’ve blocked his calls and texts in order to avoid the constant harassment. However, I try to not read the gas lighting and negative comments and get upset. I try to separate my thoughts and anxiety over receiving these emails where I am verbally abused in writing. I do my best to remember what my therapist said about self-care. It is a long road but the only direction I can go is up so I have hope.
Q: What would you say to others that might be experiencing the same situation?
Survivor: This is what I would say: I understand why you don’t want to leave the situation and the original love you have for the person in your life. It is a choice you have to make or someone else will make it for you. But know that you can get through any situation and become stronger and happier in the end. You can choose to lay in bed and pull the covers over your head and hope it go away. The reality is that hiding and being ashamed and humiliated is very powerful. The only person who can help you get out of underneath the covers is you and you are your own best advocate. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. You will draw strength from them. Trust your instincts and use your intuition in new situations and your life.
Posted by on 28 Oct 2015