Sunday Mornings with Rania: A Close Look at the Stanford Rape Case
According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, nearly one in five college women were victims of rape or attempted rape during their freshman year, with the most falling prey during the “red zone” or the first three months on campus. A Brown professor’s study led her to conclude that “rape is a common experience among college-aged women.”
A common experience. Wow.
This reality came to light this past month when the details of the Stanford rape case unfolded in court. A Stanford athlete was unanimously found guilty for raping a woman he met at a party. The assault took place behind dumpsters on campus. She was unconscious.
Lady Gaga captured our hearts when she sang “Till it Happens to You” at the 2016 Oscars. She was joined by fellow rape survivors, all standing with her in an image of powerful unison. The victim/survivor in the Stanford rape case captured our attention when she anonymously penned a poignant letter detailing the horrific occurrence as well as the further victimization she felt in her quest to seek justice. Vice President Joe Biden, U.S. Representative Ted Poe, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, actresses Lena Dunham, Brie Larson and millions of others all over the world have read, commented, shared and responded to her letter. Over one million have signed a petition to remove the presiding judge in the case, Judge Aaron Persky, as punishment for handing down an extremely lenient penalty of a six-month sentence (down to three months for good behavior) to the former Stanford University athlete.
This case and her letter have left society with no choice but to start asking some very serious questions. We are starting to agree that the “culture of silence” around rape must be changed. This change must start with you and me, our daughters and sons. In the case of the Stanford rape, the father of the suspect didn’t describe the event as “rape” but as “20 minutes of action.” What an example of how not to raise our kids.
Let’s do the opposite and start talking to our kids today:
- It can be assumed that in the moment of rape, the assailant has dehumanized the victim. Simply put, a rapist does not care about his victim. Parents, let’s raise our kids, starting from the very beginning, to feel for, respect and see the value in every person, regardless of the relationship. Build the notion of empathy, respect and decency in all kids, at every age and in any situation.
- Raise kids to be responsible. Whether they are dating or spending time with a friend or a significant other, let’s have them feel responsible for and interested in protecting each other at all times.
- Think through where our kids spend their time. If they are always online, what are they looking at? What are they reading? What images are they digesting? Realize that, for example, kids who spend time digesting images that disrespect women are more likely to treat women with a similar level of disregard. Parents, let’s challenge all of our kids to be better and not buy into this type of imagery.
- Remind your kids that use of drugs or alcohol never mitigates the legal consequences of a situation. An unconscious, inebriated person cannot legally consent. The only thing to do with an intoxicated person is make sure he or she gets home safely. Also, parents, what would you do if your child made the wrong choice? While it is difficult, I applaud the parents that make it clear to their child what the consequences are (everything from paying a fine, getting kicked out of school to spending time behind bars) and that they will be expected to bear them.
- Clothes mean nothing; her words mean everything. Boys, we don’t care what she is wearing, how she is dancing or if she even allows intimacy to start. Once she says “no,” or is too inebriated to say “yes,” it’s over. Only yes means yes, and no always means no.
Important safety reminders:
- Go out, have fun and be smart. Don’t go out alone. Stay with your friends. As soon as you start engaging in drugs and/or alcohol, you are leaving the safety of yourself 100 percent in the hands of others. This is a huge gamble. Have a safety plan in place, and surround yourself with people you trust.
- Never leave a drink unattended, anywhere. Hold onto it wherever you are or get another one.
Parents, let’s talk to our kids now, in an age-appropriate manner and do our part to ensure they will make the right decisions in the future. Raise kids who will do everything possible to stay safe and prioritize the safety of others. Raise kids who will pay attention to whether others seem like they are in an unsafe situation, and who will intervene. Raise kids who are strong enough to respect others.
Our kids’ behavior starts with us. Do you agree?
Posted by on 12 Jun 2016
About the author
Executive Director of Crime Stoppers of Houston