I lived in fear – A domestic violence survivor shares her story
I lived in fear 24/7 for my children and myself, near the end it was anyone that was close to me, and those fears controlled my thoughts and my behavior. Then I stopped the madness and left. Brave words I know however, for those that are dominated by domestic violence that is a very scary decision.
What I did not realize was I now had to learn how to live without fear guiding me! How was I going to accomplish this! AS scary as our lives were violence was all I knew.
So I began the journey of what some may call self-discovery! I had to learn to love myself and I had to learn to forgive myself. All of the verbal abuse told me I was unlovable and when I did leave why I didn’t leave sooner.
Domestic violence eroded the core values I believed such as …I was a women worthy of love…I was a women that had self-respect. How do I find that woman under the bruises of my low self-esteem the scars of self-loathing and the never ending tape I ran in my mind that I must have done something to deserve this treatment.
I found the strong, dependable loving woman ‘one breath at a time’. The nightmares abated and the dreams came to me once again. I could look at myself once again in the mirror. The physical scars I still carry but now I see strength not shame. Lastly, the tape that runs through my mind now is one of Peace, Safety and Love.
I leave you with this: God give me the courage to change the one person I can and wisdom to know that one person is me!
Posted by on 8 Oct 2015