Sunday Mornings with Rania: Father’s Day Reflections
It was 35 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. We were standing on the sandy beaches of Cape Cod. Not old enough to go in alone and sensing I was afraid, I remember my father scooping me up in his arms: “I’m with you, don’t worry, we will go in together.” Though I always felt safe with him, I was still nervous. Glancing over his shoulders, all I could see was an endless ocean with crashing waves. I held on tight. Soon, we were splashing and jumping, catching those crashing waves with smiles. The memory of that wonderful lazy summer day is still with me. That is the power of even the smallest exchange between a father and his child.
And over the decades that have come and gone, I think back to that day and the many lessons it still teaches me, specifically about perspective and trust. See, as my father held me, my feet were latched around his stomach and my eyes fixated on the mysterious ocean… But his feet, however, were planted firmly on the ground and looking at the calmness of the sandy beaches. He saw the whole picture and he knew he had me. I now know that perception isn’t everything and often things are not exactly as they seem.
There have been many more lessons my wonderful dad has taught me:
When I was in school, he would say, “Study as hard you can now so you can live the rest of your life doing what you want to do.”
When it came time to marry, he said, “Marry someone with the same values and outlook and who is kind and respectful. And don’t settle. Being alone is better than being in a lonely marriage.”
When I became the Executive Director of Crime Stoppers (and was terrified), he said: “Don’t worry what anyone thinks. Give each day everything you have. Go out there and give them hell. But always be kind and honest. And please, if you don’t know something, say that you don’t know. But then work as hard as you possibly can to find the answer”
So here I am, a mom of three, running Crime Stoppers as well as a household filled with its own challenges and needs. But when push comes to shove and trouble comes my way, the first call I’m usually making is to my father.
And as my little ones grow, I love watching their interaction with my husband and their dad, Ramy. When he comes into the house and they run to him, I smile. When they go swimming and jump into his arms, I smile. When he teaches them to play soccer or kills bugs, I smile. When he plays music and does impromptu dance contests, I smile. I know that within their littlest of exchanges, memories are being made and life lessons are being engrained.
I’m sure you have those moments too. Please share them with us! And in honor of my father and my husband and all the many wonderful dads out there, we say, we love you, we adore you and we can’t do this life without you.
Thank you, dads, and happy, happy Father’s Day.
Sunday Mornings with Rania: Hands Off The Car Seats!
I’m winding down a week in Boston with family. One conversation that always flares up when I am home is the car seat, booster seat and seatbelt issue. Here’s how it always goes:
My youngest: “I don’t want to be in the car seat, I want to look at the window; it is so pretty outside.”
My mother: “Take her out, you and your sister were not in car seats at her age, let her look around! I will hold her!”
Me: “Mom, driving around in the late 70s cannot be compared to driving around now. There were no cell phones leading to distracted drivers back then. In today’s world, car accidents are the #1 killer of children (and we can’t take that statistic lightly. Side note – were there even car seats back then?”
The reality is that car seats and booster seats are two of the most important items you can have in your car if your children of are a certain age. But parents beware, placing your child in the wrong one at the wrong age could be a lethal mistake. Statistics show that 80-90 percent of car seats are installed or used incorrectly. Before you pack the car up with kids and bags and summer fun travel, make sure to read and share this quick reminder:
Car seat: Rear-facing – from birth until 2 years old or until your child reaches the upper weight limit of their rear-facing convertible seat (usually around 35 pounds).
Car seat: Front or Forward-facing – your little one has reached the upper weight or height limit of their rear-facing convertible seat so turn their seat into the forward position with the harness until they reach the maximum weight of 40-65 pounds or height restrictions of their particular seat.
Booster seat: Your child is ready for a booster seat when they have outgrown the internal harness or height limitation of a forward-facing child safety seat. These kids are 40-80 pounds but under 4’9. They are 4-8 years old and at least 35†tall. Usually, these kids cannot sit properly on vehicle seat with their back against the seat, their knees bending at the edge of the seat cushion without slouching. They also don’t fit properly in the vehicle belt system. A backless belt-positioning booster may be used in vehicles which have a head restraint present for your child. High-back boosters can be used in vehicles with or without head restraints present.
Note to parents: The biggest issue with this phase is that your kids are old enough here to have an opinion and express it. Many of these 8-year-olds will say they are too big to sit in “car seat.” Remind them “booster seats” are very different than car seats. Booster seats are about two things only: Safety and allowing them to see out the window clearly. Car seats are about safety and keeping little squirmy kids in place. It’s very different!
Lap and Shoulder Belts: Children who have outgrown the booster seat can sit in the regular vehicle seats with shoulder belts are in their glory. These kids, 9 -13, must remember two things: they still must always use the middle or back row and keep in mind that the regular safety belts they are using were designed for 165-pound male adults so there is a vulnerability there.
Front seat: The coveted passenger seat should only be used for children 13 and older. Even in the front, these kids must always wear seat belts!
While your child will love it, each time they “graduate” to the next seat level, there is a reduction in their protection. That said, as a mom of three, there is something very special about seeing their graduation / progression in the rear-view mirror as you buzz them around town, isn’t there? We love our kids and go through so much, at every stage, to ensure their safety. Through it all, they can still look out the window and they are always comfortable. So Mom, I love you, respect you and adore you but hands off my children’s car seats! The ’70s are long-gone!
Sunday Mornings with Rania: 13 Reasons Why Not
I’ve written about this series before and many have heard about it. In a typical news fashion way, the national conversations have flared up, mainstream news has covered it and moved on. But the realities of the 13 Reasons Why and the risks of suicide amongst everyday teens is not something I can easily move past. Right now, as I write this, there are tweens and teens across Houston who are contemplating suicide. In fact, another 15-year-girl lost her life to suicide just last month. The trends are not showing signs of slowing down and that’s frightening to me.
So how does this happen? We know there are life circumstances. We know there are mental health issues but how does it all come together in such a way that in a lonely place, these teens feel it’s better to die than live? And how do we help them through the events that are taking over their young, not fully developed, teen minds and forcing them to suicide in record numbers?
So here I am, not wanting to put the topic down just yet; it’s time to turn #13ReasonsWhy into #13ReasonsWhyNOT. Please share these reasons with the youth in your lives.
Reason number 1. You are so dearly loved. You may not see it, you may not realize it, you may not feel it, but you are so incredibly, dearly loved. Your friends may be isolating you or you may not feel you have friends. Your parents or caretakers may be trying to break through to you or too busy to even see what you are dealing with. Still, you are so dearly loved and to not have you would be devastating. Remember, suicide impacts so many beyond you. You are not just removing yourself from your life but you’re removing yourself from everyone else’s lives. You would be surprised at those who will mourn your loss. As broken as you feel, you are perfect in the sight of so many. You are loved!
Reason number 2. It will get better; don’t give up. Yes, terrible things happen. Yes, the world appears to be crushing in on you. And circumstances are piling up around you. Whether you are misunderstood or have made bad choices, it’s ok. You are not defined by any of it. Don’t give up on yourself. Seek help. It absolutely, positively will get better. Give yourself every chance. Please!
Reason number 3. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. What on earth does that mean? It simply means that taking your life may stop today’s pain but it will also end tomorrow’s hope and happiness. You’re essentially pulling the plug on the future life of love, relationships, chances, opportunities and more . . . all the very things you are longing for. An entire new world comes after high school. It’s a time to completely reset. Another opportunity comes after college. And again into adulthood. Hold on!
Reason number 4. Justice comes but even if it doesn’t, you can rise above. Even if there are bullies in your life who seem to be getting away with their actions, that doesn’t mean you still don’t have the power to rise above it. Get help, fight for this help. Press forward for what’s right for you. You are not a victim. Do not give up on yourself.
Reason number 5. Times are changing. Bullies went through a season of getting away with their actions, technology seemed to be on their side, but that is starting to change. The same technology that hid them is now being used to unmask them. The law is shifting, penalties are being defined and charges are being filed. There is great power in the families of those bullied, a community who is fed up with it and law enforcement who are determined to stop it. Let that be a source of encouragement for you.
Reason number 6. Everyone has a purpose and your unique purpose has a need. Don’t deprive your talents and contributions from us, your community, or from your current family or from your future family.
Reason number 7. Don’t believe the lies. Don’t believe the lies others say about you. Don’t believe the lies your mind tells you about yourself. It won’t be better off with you gone. Nothing and no one will be better off. In fact everything will be much worse. Don’t believe the lies. You are better, you are more, you are valuable, you are precious and you are needed.
Reason number 9. Your legacy is better than that. In the aftermath of suicide, what will your legacy be? Everyone suffers, everyone goes through horrible lows. Don’t give up on yourself! That can’t be your legacy. While the realities of your life or the reasoning of your mind may be leading you to the awful conclusion of suicide, please know there is help with both and no matter what – no matter what – you can rise above it all. There is always help. Let your legacy be that you rose above and fought for yourself!
Reason number 10. There are no second chances following suicide. Remember, suicide doesn’t resolve your problem, it doesn’t make you feel better; it is a permanent ending. There’s no coming back and starting over. It is the final “over” button. Nothing is worse than pressing it.
Reason number 11. Don’t end your story early and give up your most prized possession. There is more to your story, there is so much more to your story. Don’t end it early. And please, remember, your most prized possession is your life – don’t give that up. No one is worth giving that up. Yes things are not easy, yes, you are dealing with very real issues that are truly significant but they are not worth your most prized possession – life. Guard that, protect it.
Reason number 12. The Butterfly Effect. If you think it won’t make a difference to anyone else if you take your life, you are wrong. Our lives impact each other, we are all connected. The Butterfly Effect is the concept that everything is related; small causes can have large effects and vice versa. This is a scientific fact. Taking your own life will send a tidal wave of loss and emptiness to others. What hero or heroine didn’t go through fire before coming out the other side? We need you and your story. Do not remove yourself from an equation you were meant to be in.
Reason number 13. There are better ways to hurt those who hurt you. I was talking to a young girl once who was sharing her thoughts of suicide. She wanted to “get back” at her abusers, to “show them.” But that is a flawed plan. One – the loss of your life will not get back at anyone else, it hurts you primarily. Two – you will not be there to see the aftermath of your actions. Taking your own life to get back at others is a flawed idea. Please let go and focus on your personal healing and strength. You’ve taken on enough of the abuse, don’t add to it. It’s time to start rescuing yourself. Please fight for yourself. And keep fighting.
Everyone of us is hurting. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. There are certainly problems that are much more significant than others and some have mental health issues that cannot be ignored or overlooked. Still, your lowest low or flawed reasoning is not worth ending your life. Let us help you. Talk and reach out for help. If you don’t find it the first time, reach out again. Let’s stop talking about #13ReasonsWhy and, as a community, focus on #13ReasonsWhyNot.
National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255
Sunday Mornings with Rania: 100 ‘Deadliest Days’
For them, it’s literally the most wonderful time of the year. Gone are the rushed mornings, the panic over assignments, class projects and tests. At least for a few months. It’s a time to stop, take a breath, and relax, for the kids and the entire family.
That said, while out goes the angst over academics, in comes (I hope) concern over our kids’ safety. Let me get laser focused for a moment . . . There are many risks inherent to this season of change: increased social media use, increased water drownings and more. Of them, though, the most concerning is the double digit increase, (43 percent to be exact), in teen-related driving deaths during the summer months. In fact, AAA calls the period between Memorial Day and Labor Day “The 100 Deadliest Days”for teen drivers. Why? Because of the overwhelming number of teen-related fatal car accidents. It’s actually incredible to think about. Parents, please, as kids get excited for the end-of-year festivities, please remind them to:
- Drive Safely! Follow traffic signals, look at what others are doing around you (are they switching lanes, coming to a stop, running a light?). Drive safely also means, Drive Defensively.
- Wear a Seatbelt. PLEASE. This is so simple yet so many young drivers, especially in other parts of the car (middle or back rows) don’t wear them. According to the National Safety Council, an estimated 40,200 people died in car accidents in 2016, a 6 percent rise from 2015. There was a 7 percent rise in 2015. This means that together, we saw a nearly 14 percent increase in the last two year. One-half of all these deaths were due to unbelted drivers or passengers. We need to, we must, buckle up.
- Drinking and Driving. Of the staggering numbers just listed, one-third of the deaths were due to driving while intoxicated. We say it all the time but let’s keep saying it: Never drive, never, ever, ever drive while under the influence of any drugs or alcohol.
- It’s a Numbers Thing. Never have more than the maximum number of people allowed in your vehicle (if you have a four-seater car, there should never be driving around five or more people). It’s simple but teens don’t like to stick to those rules.
- Stick to driving in daylight hours.
- Distracted Driving. Put everything down and away and stay focus on the road. Distracted driving is a huge issue and taking the lives of so many. Between phone calls, texting, social media trolling and online mapping, people are more distracted now than ever. Add to that, young friends in a car who are having fun and feel free, hear their favorite song on the radio or want to go through filters to take a perfect Snap while driving and you literally have a recipe for disaster. Our teens need to just put it down. Put it all down. It can wait. For those of you watching, here’s an important update on the laws pertaining to this issue:
Currently Texas bans:
- texting and driving when in a school zone or for all drivers – regardless of age;
- all texting and phone usage for all drivers under the age of 18
- bus drivers with minors on board from using phones while driving
That said, Texas is one of four states that does not have a texting while driving ban. More than 95 Texas cities passed local ordinances banning some form of cellphone use while driving to fill the legislative gap. After 10 years of a lot of hard work by our legislators, we are the closest we have ever been to getting that changed in this session. House Bill 62 and Senate Bill 31 introduced a statewide ban on texting while driving and made using a phone while driving a misdemeanor offense, punishable by a fine ranging from $25 to $99 with penalties up to $200 for repeat offenders. House Bill 62 passed and Senate Bill 31 is expected to do the same. We are close, friends!
I remember how much I loved the summer months. It is such a wonderful time of the year. Our only wish is that you and your families enjoy these moments, in safety, health and happiness.
The Berry family has been fighting to pass legislation in Texas banning hand-held cell phone use, including texting, while driving. Read their story and how OLIE, “One Life is Enough” came to be.
Sunday Mornings With Rania: Elder Abuse
For Houstonians, the topic of elder abuse is one we don’t take lightly. Our community made this loud and clear following the release of this video in January by the Memorial Village Police, which showed (skip to 5:30) caretaker Brenda Floyd repeatedly striking 94-year-old Alzheimer patient, Dorothy Bratten, in her home. The family had noticed bruising on Bratten’s body and installed the home recording device to see if Floyd was behind the abuse. Once their fears were confirmed, Floyd fled. Crime Stoppers worked with law enforcement and the media got involved, too. Tips poured in and Floyd is in police custody. It was great work by then-Assistant Chief (now Chief) Ray Schultz and the Village police.
During this case, however, it was interesting to see some of the comments pour in. Why didn’t the victim just fire her caretaker? Why didn’t she just tell her family? Elder abuse is an extremely complex form of abuse. Additionally, because it is misunderstood, it is often unreported. Sadly, it is also on the rise.
The numbers:
Elder abuse is rapidly becoming one of the fastest-growing crimes. In fact, the National Research Council estimates approximately 1 in 10 Americans aged 60+ have experienced some form of abuse. Some estimates say as many as 5 million elders are abused annually. That said, research has shown that for every 1 case reported – there are 14 (or some say up to 23) more not reported. Combine this with the fact that America’s population of “65 and over” is projected to nearly triple, thereby reaching more than 70 million by 2030. It goes without saying that many working in this field fear an increase in both the number of abuse cases as the number of citizens at risk for this type of abuse.
So, what is elder abuse?
Plain and simple, it is the physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse and/or exploitation, neglect and abandonment of an elderly person. Perpetrators include children, other family members and spouses – as well as staff at nursing homes, assisted living and other facilities.
What kind of person could do this?
Anyone. That said, two-thirds of perpetrators are adult children or spouses. Sixty percent of the time, the abuse is done by a family member. Additional abuse can be seen by home care aids or staff with nursing homes, assisted living or other facilities. Both men and women abuse.
What are the warning signs?
- Signs of physical abuse – Physical bruises, broken bones, burns and/or abrasions
- Signs of emotional abuse – Withdrawn, sudden changes in behavior, depression, anxiety
- Signs of financial abuse – Changes in spending patterns, re-writing of legal documents like an estate plan, living will, last will and testament
- Signs of neglect – poor hygiene, bedsores, weight loss
If you know it’s happening, how do you report it?
Elder abuse requires intervention for many reasons. In some cases, the abused elder can be unaware of the abuse (in financial cases for example or in cases where the elder has physical or mental imparities) or they are aware but embarrassed or ashamed to admit they can no longer take care of themselves or protect themselves. No matter what, they need an advocate. Always call 911 when there is an immediate, life-threatening issue. If that’s not the case, call Adult Protective Services (281-847-7000) or law enforcement. You can always call Crime Stoppers at 713-222-TIPS if you wish to remain anonymous.
Now what?
During the month of May, Crime Stoppers is working with Adult Protective Services, the Harris County Attorney, the Harris County District Attorney’s Office, the Houston Police Department and the Harris County Sheriff’s office to both find those wanted for abuse against elders and to educate the community on the risks and dangers.
Please join the conversation. Be another set of eyes and a voice for our aging population. And talk, talk, talk and talk about these issues with your family as a whole. At the end of the day education will lead to prevention – and that’s the ultimate goal.