It’s actually been called an “epidemic….” We’re talking about inappropriate relationships between students and teachers and unfortunately, across the board, they are on the rise.

In the last week alone, here are two leading stories:

Tad Cummins manhunt: Tennessee Kidnapping Suspect Researched Teen Marriage, Police Say. Cummins is a 50-year-old teacher who allegedly singled out his 15-year-old student, Elizabeth Thomas, groomed her, entered an inappropriate relationship with her, abducted her and plans to marry her. Thomas was last seen March 13. Cummins is believed to be armed and dangerous.

Teacher Can’t Stop Smiling after Being Accused of Having Sexual Relations with Teen. This Austin, Texas case involves Sarah Fowlkes, a 27-year-old anatomy teacher at Lockhart High School, who is accused of having sexual contact with her 17-year-old student.

While we are seeing these types of cases pop up coast-to-coast, sadly, Texas leads them all with soaring statistics. According to state figures, the Texas Education Agency (TEA) opened 141 investigations in the 2009- 2010 fiscal year (beginning Sept. 1, 2009). During the same time period in 2014-2015, the number of cases jumped up to 188 and to 122 cases when looking at the same time period in 2015-2016, an increase of 57 percent. In 2016, the number of cases continued to increase reaching 222.

Pennsylvania is in second with 45 cases.

So why is this happening and why are we seeing such a rise in female teacher predators, specifically? Teachers who are caught up in inappropriate relationships with middle or high school students?

There are a few reasons that we can identify:

• Society doesn’t know what to do with female predators. When looking at the reaction, society members used words like “lucky” and “dream” when asked to define the male student victim. Simply put, we see this not as a predatory action by the teacher but as a stroke of luck for the young male student. It’s shocking.
• These women don’t understand the crime. When asked, these teachers tend to define the relationship as a simple boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. They don’t see the harm and can’t comprehend the issue.
• These women tend to have a history of relating to others through physical means.
• They are in need of love; they are lonely.
• They have easy access to their targets including hours at school, time after school and possibly additional time through tutoring and other activities.
• Social media has opened doors for these teachers to reach out and talk to their targets, learn about their personal lives and make personal connections that parents are unaware of.
• These teachers may have been abused as children or have an addiction to pornography.

So now what?

Until society can find a way to weed out potential predators before they attack, it’s up to us to protect ourselves and our children.

• Talk to your children about appropriate teacher-student relationships. I know you’re thinking, really? Isn’t that a bit extreme? No. It takes only a few minutes to speak to your children in an age-appropriate manner about proper healthy boundaries with all adults. Reminders include a discussion on boundaries: students can and should talk to their teachers, coaches and counselors about personal issues. That’s okay. But let’s take it a step further. When you have teachers, coaches or counselors sharing personal information with a student, that’s a red flag.
• Remind your child, if he/she is feeling uncomfortable about any attention from any adult, to tell you.
• Encourage your child to report bad behaviors, don’t be afraid.
• Be aware of your child’s online life, their networks and who they are speaking to.
• Teach your children to trust their instincts.
• Continue talking to your child about this and any other issue that pertains to their public safety all year.

Legislative Update:

The 2017 legislative session found senators working hard to pass a billaddressing inappropriate teacher-student relationships. Senate Bill 7 punishes (including facing criminal charges ranging from a Class A misdemeanor to a state jail felony) school principals and superintendents who fail to report teachers with a history of inappropriate romantic or sexual relationships with students. Teachers will automatically lose their license and will be registered as a sex offender. Teacher training regarding proper boundaries was also introduced. And while the bill is expanded even further in the House version, the final result would expand TEA’s investigative authority from intra-district to inter-district relationships. This Bill, which was introduced by Senator Paul Bettencourt, R-Houston, passed unanimously in the Senate.

While this is such a terrible topic, it only speaks of terrible teachers – and there are not many. Generally speaking, teachers, in my book, are as important as first responders and doctors. They work hard; they spend their time, money and life investing in our children. They are the best of the best. But when you come across a bad one – and truly, it’s few and far between – it can have a tremendously negative impact on your child, one that can last a lifetime.

Talk to your children, get to know your teachers and school faculty, be involved and get connected. As always, with each passing day and week, I grow to love my own children more and more and know you feel the same way toward your own. Working together, let’s do all we can keep to keep our young ones safe.

If I had written a “spring break safety” article one week ago, most would have glossed over it. From time to time, even I find those “travel/holiday safety” articles inconsequential . . . after all, so many of us seem to come and go without incident (thank heavens).

But then there are those moments when tragedy strikes, when we wish we could turn back the clock and make health and safety our number one priority. In those moments, we wish we had read every article, made every observation, had every conversation, and took every precaution… In our weakness we find ourselves saying, “if only we had…”

This last week – Spring Break for so many – is a week in which I wish I could turn back the clock. Over this last seven days, tragedies seem to come one after the other: To begin, my church community lost an incredible, faithful, honest, smart, ambitious and amazing young man, a freshman at A&M, in a tragic car accident; in another part of town, a colleague of mine shared that her daughter’s college friend was just placed on life support after overdosing on drugs; another colleague shared that one of her teen cousins had just committed suicide due to cyberbullying; I crumbled as my newsfeed shared that a young boy in Houston lost his life during a game of Russian Roulette; and we all read about the 14-year-old who ran away from home, was kidnapped, and forced into a sex trafficking ring….These are only five incidents amongst a list of many.

I find myself broken at the thought of such pain and tragedy… if only we could turn back the clock. Sadly, today’s firm resolve doesn’t change yesterday’s devastating reality; it does, however, reshape the future. So, this post is written in honor of those beautiful lives who left us. For their sake we say, “Never again.”

While accidents happen and there is nothing that can be done to change them, there are some tragedies we can curb. It starts by not glossing over safety topics and talking to your tweens, teens and young adults about issues most commonly affecting our youth. Here’s a review:

• On the road: According to the Center for Disease Control, motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for US teens. This is a fact. Knowing this, we must remind teen drivers and even young adult drivers about the importance of wearing seatbelts, following speed limits, not using cell phones while driving {reminder, it’s against the law}, inspecting the vehicles they use and remembering that their time in the car is serious not social. In our loss this past week, the accident was due to a blown tire and no fault of the driver or the young men in the car. It was a tragedy that we, as a church community, especially the family and those near them, will seek to make sense of.
• Online: Each and every day, we must talk to our children about being good digital citizens and to never engage in cyberbullying. If we are dealing with a child that is bullied, we must do whatever we possibly can to stop the abuse and protect/build up that child. Save copies of everything, report incidents to law enforcement, take the bullying seriously and carry your child through the process. Additionally, talk and talk and talk about what apps your child uses to engage with others socially. Remind them of the risks and dangers as well as which apps are known to be most used by predators (KIK is one of the worst). There is no need to be using “hidden apps” and never meet anyone offline that you only know online. Never.
• Drugs and Alcohol: Even if you sound like a broken record, let’s keep talking about drugs and alcohol. *Parents beware* – there is a new trend of mixing heroin and fentanyl and it’s gaining popularity. The combination is deadly.
• DO NOT RUN AWAY. If you do, here’s what to expect: Law enforcement estimates that a large majority of runaways will have been found and picked up by a sex trafficking ring within 48 hours of hitting the streets. According to Children At Risk, it is estimated that 1 out of every 6 endangered runaways reported to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children were likely victims of child sex trafficking. Predators who have learned that you are a runaway will see your child as a lucrative money-making machine that will quickly have no other choice for survival. There will be homelessness, hunger and desperation. Running away – at least to the streets – is never the answer. If there are problems in the home, help your child find another home or trusted adult to go to, regardless of how deep your anger or sadness might be.
• GUNS IN THE HOME. More than 3,200 gun-related deaths occur in Texas  each year; it is the #2 cause of accidental death among children in Harris County. It goes without saying that guns must be properly locked . . . but we all know that tweens and teens get into everything. Gun safety education is critical, something that must be discussed over and over and over again. Even if the kids get ahold of your weapons, do they understand the magnitude of what they are holding and dealing with? Also – and while this is difficult – have a frank conversation with yourself about the mental health of your home and your family members. We want you, each of your family members and our entire community to stay safe.

As I sit and write this, my heart breaks for the mothers and fathers crying themselves to sleep tonight. For them I have no words other than we love you, support you and are praying for you. While it is impossible to understand the burden you carry, know those in your communities will do anything to carry it with you. For those students who were faced with a tragedy this past spring break week, we come together to embrace you as well. Accidents happen. We learn from them. We forgive ourselves and we live on in the memory of those we left behind.

As for this mom, I’m reminding myself to say “never again.” I’m remembering to take a proactive approach to the health and safety of myself and my family with a renewed safety plan each and every day…. I hope you will join me.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was waiting for my noon meeting. They were at the next table, in deep conversation. One was sharing her frustration and despair over a relationship that in my opinionechoed that horrible space between “control” and “abuse.” As I waited and listened, my social media feed ironically displayed International Women’s Day marches for equality and justice. I turned away from those images and back to this young woman. She needed help now. But who was she? How did she get to this point? And how can we really help her? How can we make sure we don’t raise young girls that turn into young women who are hurting like this? She, as it turns out, represents so many.

Her story seemed to go like this: She got pregnant at a young age with a man she was dating but would not marry. Seven years later, they live together in a house she bought and maintains with the child that she primarily cares for. According to her, he is an underachiever, immature, has admittedly cheated on her, doesn’t respect her thoughts or concerns and is extremely controlling over her time outside of work. During the hour I sat there next to her table, he appeared to call her at least four times. He demanded to know: Where was she? Who was she with? He wanted a photo sent to him…   

My heart broke for this 20-something-year old. She was truly in despair. If she were to leave, she asked – How would she get him out of her house? Would he try to take their son? Would he and his friends harass her? What about the Florida trip they planned this summer? If they broke up, she’d lose the money she paid for his ticket. And what about their child? Wasn’t it best for the child to have a house with a mother and father?

I understand that when you are deep in the ditches, it is hard to see the way out . . . her confusion was palpable. But I couldn’t believe her friend’s guidance: “I don’t know what to tell you but for sure, you definitely don’t want to lose the money you paid for those tickets to Florida so you can’t do anything until later this year….”

Really?! Who cares about the ticket to Florida in a situation like this!

We need to do a better job talking to our young girls about healthy relationships and what they look like. We need to give them the tools to navigate away from bad choices and help others do the same. Here’s a very basic review.

• A good relationship is about give and take. It is about respecting each other. Lifting each other up. It is about talking, arguing, communicating, laughing, and being okay being together in full silence. It is about carrying the burden and load of all that your lives require – house, children, schedules, etc. together. It is about agreeing and disagreeing but always feeling safe and respected.
• You must get out if you are being physically, emotionally or mentally abused, but you must do so safely. This requires a strong and well thought-out exit plan that will also require the help of others. Here are two good resources: avda.org and hawc.org.
• Something must be done but you have a choice if you are in that space in between, where you love each other but feel unheard, disrespected, isolated, controlled or more. There is no abuse but you are not in a good place. (1) Don’t make excuses (I know that is hard); (2) admit you are dealing with a serious problem; (3) determine if you and your partnerrecognize the problem; and (4) can both commit to seeking and sticking to professional help. If your partner is unwilling to do the above, then (5) you have the tough choice to make about the future of your relationship. Consider that if your partner doesn’t recognize the problem then it only has the potential to grow and get worse.

This is a strange question but when is the last time we’ve gone over healthy and unhealthy relationships with the young girls and boys in our lives? I mean, really discussed it. The girl at the next table, who sat crushed and confused, represents so many who need help. The friend she went to for guidance, represent so many of us who are asked to give advice. Both could be any one of us at any time. Let’s get our answers straight and stand together to help. Let’s start investing in a future generation of healthyrelationships today. It starts with knowing what a healthy relationship looks like and talking about it as often as possible. That is something we can all start doing today.

Sometimes I watch the news, see the threats and think – I cannot believe what’s happening here. How do we digest this information? How do we talk about it with our kids? How do we keep going on with our daily lives when the threats seem so real, so specific and so close to home?

Many of us, sadly, can relate. Recently, bomb threats were called into Jewish centers in 11 states, about 50 cities including Chicago, Miami and Houston. Some reports count 53 bomb threats targeted at 53 Jewish Community Centers across 26 states and one Canadian province in recent months. Both the FBI and the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division are investigating.

According to David Posner, JCC Association’s Director of Strategic Performance: “The FBI is making it priority one. They’re making it the top priority. When you have four waves of these, affecting 53 different JCCs and 68 separate events, that is not a small number,” Posner said. “This is really an FBI issue. State and local law enforcement can’t solve this. The commonalities of the calls have to be handled at the highest level.” 

The reality is while the FBI is working on these threats, local law enforcement and the community must come together to work on them as well. People are and rightfully so, fearful. So what do we do about it? We face the issue head on:

• Read and study. Determine whether there are threats in your neighborhood or your community center. Are they real? Call your local law enforcement office to see if they have learned of any credible threats against your neighborhood temple, community center or school.
• Be on the lookout. This is a time when “see something, say something” means more than ever before. If you see something or someone suspicious, say something. If there is nothing wrong taking place, than there was no fowl in speaking up. If, however, your observation thwarts potential threats against our community, how thankful we will all be that you said something.
• Know the plan. While we hope and pray to never see another terror attack or hate crime, reality is, we may. Know what the emergency plans are if an attack should happen wherever you are – at your kids’ schools, at your local temple, at your kids’ camps or your community center. Know the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security’s “Bomb Threat Guidance Brochure.” Talk about those plans as a community and as a family. Additionally, and even more importantly, talk about the community plan to make sure an attack can never happen. Let’s proactively work together to be part of a solution.
• In an age-appropriate manner, TALK to your kids. PLEASE. This is a hard one and I’m sorry to say it but you have to do it. For those 5th grade and younger, remind kids about “stranger danger” and speaking up if they see something or someone that doesn’t look right. I would not share that a specific threat has been made but I would stress that if the adult in their care stresses that they need to hide, duck or run that they do so. You know your own kids and can fashion this in an age-appropriate manner. For middle school and older, it’s time to take the conversation further. Address the fact that there are groups of people who are targeting other groups and sometimes try to hurt them. By now, they have learned all about this in school and are able to digest the information in a more mature way. Talk through what hate is and how fruitless it is; remind them of the importance of saying something if they see something odd; explain that your temple, community center, etc. has a plan in place in case of anything dangerous; talk through your personal family plan in case of an emergency. Remind them that law enforcement is aware and on their side and that our communities work with law enforcement to keep everyone safe.
• Keep the conversation going and OPEN. Silence feeds the hate that drives hate crimes. The worst thing to do is become silent and isolated in the face of fear. Talk to your neighbors, talk to others in the community. Remind people that threats against any one group is unacceptable and intolerable in our city and in our America. This is not how this country operates or thrives and it can never be accepted by both the group being targeted and the community at large. Through positive dialogue, we must remind others that we are one community of neighbors, family and friends who are all in this together and that we must keep each other safe.
• Know the numbers. If you see something of immediate danger, call 911. If you know information that you want to pass onto law enforcement and would rather do so anonymously, call the Crime Stoppers Tip Line at 713-222-TIPS {8477}. If you want someone from Crime Stoppers to come speak to your group, call our office at 713-521-4600 and we’ll happily be there.

I hate this topic but it’s one we cannot shy away from. After all, what is terror – at its core – if it doesn’t instill such fear that we are left divided, afraid to talk and altering our way of life? We cannot do this. Over the last few years, I have read a great deal about the growth and spread of terrorism. I’ve also noticed that where there is positive education, a lot of dialogue, an overly organized system and a ready and effective law enforcement, terrorism and senseless hatred have difficulty thriving and most importantly, difficulty succeeding.

We must stand together, arm in arm, hand in hand, to protect our collective community. That’s my philosophy, I hope it is yours?

Javier Flores. Just typing his name brings tears to my eyes. Why? Because on Feb. 23, 2017, on that ill-fated night, Flores went from being a dedicated, young 18-year-old to a hero whose name we should all say with admiration. Please share his story.

Here’s what we know. Flores worked at the Subway on Broadway to help support his family. His mother worked there as well. They were working a joint-shift when two men (who police believe to be 16 and 20 years old) walked in shortly before 9 p.m. with the intent to rob the store. As one suspect pulled out a gun and pointed it at Flores’ mother, the young Chaves High School student jumped in to shield her. A single shot was fired, striking Flores. As the suspects ran, Flores was taken to Ben Taub Hospital where he died of his wounds.

At Crime Stoppers of Houston, we deal with felony cases all day every day. Murder, rape, arson, kidnapping and more. When the victim is a teen or younger, a good kid, just going about their daily life – it is heartbreaking. But in the very rare case where the victim gives up his life to save another or to save a parent – it is truly beyond heartbreaking.

Here’s why I ask you to share this story. According to the TJJD, in a given year, more than 100,000 juveniles are arrested in Texas or referred to the juvenile probation system. That said, teens today have a choice. In this case, we have three young men. Two chose a life of crime and one, Javier Flores, chose a life of hard work, respect and integrity. As this story breaks and law enforcement deals with the criminals involved, the emerging story is only Javier Flores’ – his family, his life and his legacy.

In looking at teens like Flores, sadly, over the last year, we have lost many to senseless robberies at their places of employment. I have attempted to address that issue in an earlier post including the discussion on retail policies for handling cash as well as shifts that involve “working until close” — but not today. Today, my message is one of love, admiration, applause and respect for young men and women like Javier Flores and the families that raise them. To them I say: You are loved and appreciated and while we don’t know you, we will come together as a community to embrace you and support you. Your son is our son and we mourn your loss with you. 

To that extent, the community has spoken with good Samaritans adding their own personal money to help find Flores’ killers.