Honestly, one of the worst things a parent can hear is that there is an active shooting or stabbing at their child’s school – and it doesn’t matter how oldthat child is – 5 is like 15 is like 25.

I was vividly reminded of last week when I was in Houston, with UT parents, when headlines broke: “Deadly stabbing on University of Texas at Austin campus.” I watched as phones lit up and frantic texts were going back and forth between siblings and parents. Where were their kids? Are they okay? Were they close to the incident? What was the incident? How do you get them to safety immediately?

Because of my profession, when news like this breaks, I immediately hone in on the perpetrator – Why did they do it? What method did they use? Could they have been stopped? My heart is 100 percent with the victims and they alone drive me but my immediate focus is on the criminality of it all.

This time, however, being next to these parents as the case unfolded live, with their children involved, my focus was with them and it made me think: How do you guide your child through something like this? What will your child’s first thought be and what do you say after all is said and done?

Many know that, in today’s world, Crime Stoppers strongly feels that parents need to be talking to their children – at all ages and in age-appropriate ways – about these types of attacks. It is so sad, but it is true. Here’s a guide:

• The plan. This is critical. When do you stay put? When you are in a secure place and have been told to by law enforcement who are in control. Now, while we say this is the plan, with this incident, I was seeing the reaction of the students in buildings near the scene and who were on lockdown. Their fight-or-flight systems were ignited and they wanted to escape, by any means, and flee the area. It’s important that you do not do that, especially if you are near the incident and law enforcement is working to control it. Stay put and stay calm. When do you run? You run when the incident is not yet under control and when you are in danger. This calls into question – do you hide? Use your discretion here but if you have thought these situations through and have a plan, you can more calmly make that decision. Who do you listen to? Law enforcement or the agency working to secure your safety and taking control of the situation.
• Remain calm. This is both impossible and critical. If your child isn’t still dealing with the absolute shock of the situation, if they have already processed that situations like this can take place, if they already have a plan and know that law enforcement will arrive within seconds, that they can make it out safely. This is a product of talking about the chaos and how to navigate it.
• Be a good witness. I know what you are thinking: I want my child out of there and not stopping to take photos. I completely agree. That said, the more people who have gotten themselves to safety but have calmly captured the true facts as they unfolded, the easier law enforcement can solve the case at hand. Once you are safe, if there is an opportunity to safely capture an image or other information (key word: SAFELY), it’s beneficial for law enforcement’s case.
• Never add to the rumors. News will fly in times like this. You will hear of copycats, additional crimes and more. Be careful of what you hear; try to gather information from school-based law enforcement or the school itself. In the UT case, many reports sprung up of other stabbings happening around campus. One student cut himself by accident but claimed he had been stabbed. These rumors and false claims can rise to the level of being criminal, so beware. In a frantic effort to gather facts, keep your filters on and only share credible information.
• Talk about your feelings that day, the following week and many more times over the next weeks, months and even year. This is a scary thing, especially for a young adult. Many will deal with it without issue. But for others, deep-rooted fears will take place. Even if they seem ok on the surface, you know your child and you must lead the efforts to help them. Remind them, there was a plan, many were involved at keeping them and their campus safe, they are okay and the feelings that have come up since are normal.

Despite doing all the right things, loss will occur. There are those families who will do every single thing right, have every conversation and raise the most responsible, strong and prepared young adults. But those incredible young adults, in the process of these senseless tragedies, can lose their lives tragically. This happened in the UT case when 19-year-old student Harrison Brownfrom Graham, TX lost his life. Reports show that in his last moments, he asked someone to call his mother, Lori (a fourth-grade teacher) with his cell phone. How do we deal with this loss? I myself am at a loss for words. I did not know Harrison or his family but my heart breaks for them. As a community, I know UT will do whatever it can to embrace them and make certain Harrison’s legacy lives on.

As I write this, there is still a lot we don’t know about the Austin stabbing. And on some level, I don’t know what it matters. The bigger issue is why are these stabbings and shootings happen and how do we as a community, come together creatively and strategically to stop them before they happen. Crime Stoppers has found success in this area having removed almost 300 weapons from schools before they can be used against others. Our hope is to only do more and be a source for solutions in a growing culture of complexities. I say this daily – we love our kids and we sincerely love yours too. Let’s continue to work together, it will only make us stronger.

The free Crime Stoppers Safe School program talks to kids about everything related to crime prevention and public safety. It also gives students access to the anonymous tip line program and cash reward. Thanks to anonymous student tipsters who called Crime Stoppers at 713-222-TIPS, we have solved almost 2000 school cases and removed almost 300 weapons. Students can also text tips, report a tip through the websiteor by downloading our free Crime Stoppers of Houston app. For more information on Crime Stoppers or the Safe School Program, go to www.crirme-stoppers.org or call 713-521-4600.

In today’s world, it’s a rare thing to see parents and their children coming together to watch or talk about a TV or Netflix series. But parents, as early as the moment you finish reading this, I would ask your children (especially any teenaged children) if they are streaming Netflix’s controversial series 13 Reasons Why. People all over the globe are talking about this extreme series with opinions ranging widely.

Parents, what do you need to know about 13 Reasons Why?

Well, for starters, psychologists are calling the 13-episode series “high-risk television”. According to Netflix, the original series depicts a fictional (and attractive, I might add) high-school student who leaves behind a trail of tapes revealing 13 reasons why she is going to commit suicide. The reasons range from bullying, underage drinking to sexual assault and more.

Before you close this cautionary blog post thinking Well, my teen is not dealing with any of those issues, this has nothing to do with them or us – I urge you to stop and keep reading.

Why it’s dangerous for teens – including yours.

It is a scientific and psychological fact that all teens, because on where they are developmentally, are particularly vulnerable and emotionally immature. This means that regardless of what their actual problems are, they have a tendency to exaggerate both their problems and their subsequent meaning in the grand scheme of life. Additionally, in their quest for independence, most teens (not all, but most) will turn to other teens for guidance. In the end, you have one or more young minds dealing with issues that are well beyond their emotional intelligence. We have seen the results: kids urged to run away, take their problems to the web for guidance from strangers, commit suicide or join suicide pacts. It’s more common than you think.

Additionally, teens in particular are inspired by what they see on TV. Thirty years ago, a study was conducted which monitored teens two weeks prior to the release of four TV network programs which depicted teen suicides. Two weeks after the shows’ completion, researchers found a “definite increase in both attempts and actual completions.”

Do we really need to add a show depicting suicide?

Add to that the current numbers. It’s important to note that the overall suicide rate rose by 24 percent, reaching its highest level in 30 years. Most alarming was the increase among girls 10 to 14, whose suicide rate tripled. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death amongst 15-24 year olds.

According to Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, president of the Child Mind Institute, “Teenage suicide is contagious. We know for over three decades that when kids watch television where they depict a suicide, they’re more likely to attempt and they’re more likely to actually {kill themselves}.”

So, do you or do you not allow your teens to watch a series that shows suicide as an answer to teen problems?

Many will say that even though this series is hard to swallow, the issues of underage drinking, bullying, cyberbullying and even sexual assault are prevalent and must be addressed. I agree. That said, when it comes to the discussion of each of these topics, a trusted adult must be present to guide the conversations to their proper conclusion. Again, to a teen, running away or suicide may be the only solution; to an adult, who loves this teen, running away or suicide are never the answers.

When it comes to 13 Reasons Why, psychologist after psychologist agree, if you are allowing your child to watch it, please watch it with them – and then TALK. Does your child understand the ramifications of suicide? Does your family have religious beliefs surrounding suicide? Does your child think s/he can come to you with a problem? If not you, who is the trusted adult in their life? Do they understand the power of their emotions and brains to trick them into a corner that they alone cannot get out of?

If anything, 13 Reasons Why should force parents to have these uncomfortable conversations with their children because I am certain your child has heard of this series and more likely than not is currently watching it. Through it all, even your independent, strong-willed teen needs you more than ever. Be there for them and be there aggressively. The teenaged years go by quickly but they are awfully turbulent. Help them stay level-headed and safe. Every conversation is worth it.

Parents Should Also Be Aware:

A new game called the Blue Whale is sweeping the globe. Children from Latin America to Russia are taking their lives as a result of playing this game. Some reports say as many as 100 teens have already taken their lives.

 

Resources:

The “Speak Up For Kids” campaign features celebrities like Emma Stone and others talking about personal mental health issues and challenges. It’s a great reference point for teens and parents.

I was talking to a local headmaster of one of the schools Crime Stoppers’ services. As he shared stories of the students, I was riveted . . . until he spoke of her. She was almost a straight A student. She showed up every day and worked really hard. But for her, home was a place of worry and assaults. Her bedroom door didn’t have her name in glitter, pictures of friends or welcome signs; instead, it had an interior deadbolt (installed by her own mother) so once inside, she could lock herself in and shield herself from the sexual attacks of her father. This was her story and her reality.

Around the table, we all stopped to talk. It’s so unfortunate that “those” kids are being raised in families like that…. Or, I can’t believe that happens in Houston, I imagine it only takes place in “that” part of town…. With each statement, there was a mix of sorrow and concern, of course; we were simultaneously recognizing the abuse but using words that created clear separation. This was happening to “those kids” in “that part of town” and surely amongst people who are “different” from us.

I left that meeting thankful for the work of Crime Stoppers of Houston, especially in the schools, but also with a very heavy heart. In 2015 alone there were 66,721 confirmed cases of child abuse / neglect in Texas according to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. Within these cases, 171 children lost their lives on account of the abuse/neglect.

We hear the numbers and it’s shocking but I ask you to think of what those numbers represent. Each of these cases represents children who are enduring thousands of beatings or burns, sexual assaults or more; they represent cold nights and hungry stomachs; they represent child after child who is terrified, helpless and alone.

Child abuse is not a personal family issue. It’s not something that happens to those kids, in that part of town in families different from ours. Child abuse is a human issue. It is our collective issue and one society as a whole must come together to eradicate. We know that these children, if they survive the abuse, will go on to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, which can be accompanied by depression, anxiety or disruptive or defiant behaviors. For these children, even something as small as a sound, smell or action can cause great trauma and distress decades after the abuse.

During April, which is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, the team at Crime Stoppers took a focused look at child abuse. We partnered with Sheila Aaron of The Thread Alliance for a Child Abuse Lunch and Learn at Crime Stoppers of Houston; we reached teachers and school administrators across this city sharing trends and tips; we joined the Children’s Assessment Center efforts by specifically highlighting 10 fugitives wanted for child abuse and last but certainly not least, Crime Stoppers joined forces with the Harris County Criminal Warrants team to do a Child Abuse Fugitive Sweep, which led to the arrest of 22 wanted child abusers in just a four-day period alone. There’s a lot we can do if we work together.

So what’s the call to action? First, stop and recognize that this is taking place to our kids and all over our great city. We must also agree that we are the voice of the voiceless and remember that the law in fact places each of us (not just doctors, nurses and teachers!) with the duty to report child abuse/neglect if we legitimately suspect or see it. Let’s take that seriously. And then let’s work to make sure there’s a path for safety for these children. There are many nonprofits dealing with health and safety of youth, such as Crime Stoppers Safe School Program, The Thread Alliance, Houston Children’s Charities, The Children’s Assessment Center, Child Advocates and more.

We are a powerful community and a great city. No child living in any area should have to endure abuse or neglect. We can be their voice, their strength and their protection. Certainly it’s not easy but we can make strides. Let’s work on this, together.

Sadly, I’m sitting here again reading about the ambush-style killing of a Texas public servant. On Monday, April 3, 2017, at around 7 a.m., Assistant Chief Deputy Clint Greenwood was targeted and shot.  After radioing his unit to say he was “bleeding out,” he sadly succumbed to his injuries. A huge loss for so many agencies, many are working to find the person(s) wanted.

Over the next days and weeks, we will hear stories about the life and service of Assistant Chief Deputy Greenwood, stories from various communities about what he meant to them. But tonight, for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about her . . .the woman who is most impacted by this loss, the one whose life will never be the same, the one who now has to face a future without her partner. What about Mrs. Greenwood? What about all the spouses of our incredible men and women in blue? What about the Greenwood children? What about them? What about the families behind these heroes, the ones we never really speak of, but who are sacrificing just as much as our first responders?

In 2016, the US saw 135 police officers die in the line of duty, which was the highest number of fatalities on the job in five years. Nearly 50 percent of them were fatally shot, including 21 of whom were killed in different ambush-style attacks. These numbers, as gut-wrenching as they are, are numbers most of us read, think that’s too bad, and keep going. For the families behind the heroes, these numbers are terrifying. They represent the chance and the reality that their family member, their spouse, parent, or child will not be coming back after they suit up and leave for work in the morning. They are numbers that, while not dwelled on, are not simply moved past.

I can’t stop thinking about the families behind the heroes. What can we say to them? Thank you is a small start but almost not enough. To those families I think: You, while not in the line of fire, are in the line of duty. You are also making the sacrifice. You are making adjustments, daily, so that men and women in blue can do the very hard jobs that they do. You all deal with changing schedules, long shifts, second jobs, carrying the family load on your own and in the end, salaries that can never reflect the gravity of the work, the risk and the potential sacrifice. Your homes have children who must be so proud of their officers but who know a hero can never truly put down the badge and never turn themselves “off” to the needs of the community.

Family members of peace officers have no choice but to share. Kids of officers must share their parents. Spouses of officers must share their partners. Parents of officers must share their children. You share them, unselfishly – during birthdays, holidays and every other day. And you do this, without issue, because you too love your communities and understand how critical the work of an officer is.

And on top of it all, from time to time, you will hear backlash or read the stories that target, malign, second guess, and judge. Many of you take these stories in and have shared your response is to quietly pray – pray for our cities, our communities, our children, our homes and schools, our businesses and more. You have a grace that is characteristic of your families.

While our law enforcement community is always with you, it’s time that as a community, we come together to honor you, to recognize your role in making the critical work possible and to think of you not only after tragedy but today, and each and every day. You lovingly and selflessly don’t live in fear or hesitation but in strength, determination and encouragement. We see you, we are thinking of you and we thank you.

We have all moved “online,” where we share our lives, stories, photos. We create mini-pages for every big moment – birthday, graduation, wedding and more. It’s a wonderful tool that allows us to keep family and friends across the globe connected. That said, the nature of the online world means we also inadvertently connect these big life moments to strangers, some of whom may see your joyous occasion as an opportunity.

One such industry gaining concern is the online bridal industry. An overwhelming majority of brides register with an online platform that shares every detail of the wedding including the date, time and location, photos of the bride, groom and wedding party, gifts that are being requested and more. These platforms are free, easy to use and tremendously successfully at conveying information to guests.

Since the start of spring brings “wedding season” we want you to be aware of the unthinkable but very real risks associated with showcasing wedding details online. Like me, you may initially be thinking Come on – who would rob a bride, especially during her wedding? Sadly, where there’s an opportunity, unsavory people will take advantage. In fact, just two weeks ago, a Dallas bride returned from her rehearsal dinner to her swanky room at the Ritz-Carlton only to find her room robbed and more than $100,000 in wedding-related items missing, including heirloom jewelry and her own wedding and engagement rings. This is not how any bride wants to celebrate the night before her big day.

Law enforcement worked quickly and identified two men in the Dallas robbery. A few days later, one was immediately apprehended {by the way, the suspect is a retired college football player. The other suspect is still at large.

So what’s the takeaway here? Again, it goes back to knowing the risks. Here are a few steps to consider to protect your special day:

• You can still use technology but make everything you possibly can private. This is key. Especially if you are sharing your wedding itinerary, including times and locations, as well as registry, photos and more. Consider password-protecting your wedding website.
• Don’t forget group emails still work and can be shared among family members and friends.
• Consider insuring your wedding. According to a 2012 study, attendees at weddings give an average of $144 to a family member and $97 to friends. In more affluent weddings, the average gift value jumps up to $250 and more. Consider that since there will be an average of 150 guests, one-third of guests give cash at the reception and you are setting yourself up for a potential problem.
• Place all valuables in the hotel room safe. Don’t put your guard down just because it’s your wedding.
• Don’t share hotel room keys. When you have many people traveling for a wedding, hotels provide room blocks and often friends and family start asking the hotel for copies of each other’s room keys. It appears that while most hotels have strict policies in place, under these situations, they are flexible. Be cautious so that keys don’t end up in the wrong hands.
• And finally, in our hashtag obsessed community, remember that taking photos of every aspect of your wedding and hashtagging it means anyone and everyone can follow your hashtag and event details online, opening the door for unwanted attention. Consider posting photos after the big day or not using a hashtag at all.
• Remind vendors and out-of-towners that Houston is a big city with specific crime issues. For example, don’t leave important items in vehicles. One Houston bride learned this lesson first hand when her videographer left his equipment in his vehicle overnight following the wedding. The next day, it was gone, along with all video footage from the wedding.

It’s horrible that we have to think about this, isn’t it? I agree, but it’s a must. Our goal is to be one, no – 10 steps ahead of the crime trends and equip you with everything you need to know to protect yourself and those special moments that mean so much to you. We hope this is helpful and that is it shared with all the brides and grooms in your lives.

May this spring be filled with all the best the season has to offer including safe, happy and joyful weddings across our great city!