But what about us? We check our phones at every possible stop sign and traffic light (according to the book Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Alter, the average adult has read or at least glanced at their email inbox every six seconds); whether we are alone, with friends or at a working lunch meeting, we keep our phones out while eating (what if the kids need us?); we have them in the evening to stay connected (it’s the only chance to check social media); we use them to track/capture our day (photos . . . we must take photos…); they often stay in our hands or at least right by our side even when we are with our children (…security blanket?) and they stay by our bedside in the evening (they do, after all, function as our alarm clocks). Excuses, excuses…

To make matters worse, a recent study asked: If you had to choose between having a broken bone or a broken cell phone, what would you choose? Forty-six percent willingly chose a broken bone. FORTY-SIX PERCENT! But don’t praise the remaining 54 percent just yet. The study’s author said it was actually a decision they “agonized” over.

Yikes… Are we a generation of adult addicts? I am afraid so. 

Some Stats.

Putting my researcher’s hat on, I found that the average adult spends no less than three hours a day on their smartphone. That number was just 18 minutes a day prior to the smartphone. If you ask me, I think we spend even more than three hours a day.

According to a Common Sense Media study, 41 percent of teens feel their parents get distracted by devices and don’t pay attention to them when they are together. Sixty-nine percent of parents admit to checking their devices at least hourly if not more. Fifty-six percent of parents admit to checking their mobile devices while driving. Add to that the fact that 48 percent of parents feel the need to immediately respond to texts, social-networking messages, and other notifications.

Are you too an addict? Take this simple quiz. And have your teens take it too.

The quiz asks great questions like “Do you feel reluctant to be without your smartphone, even for a short time?” My answer: YES. If you answer “yes” to more than five of the 15 questions, “you might benefit by examining how much time you spend on your smartphone,” according to the quiz.

What now? Break the habit.

• Tell yourself no. Firmly. Fight the urge to always check your inbox, social media responses and newsfeeds.
• Out of sight, out of mind. Use your adult laziness to your advantage! Place your phone where you can’t easily reach it. Charge it in another part of the home at night and go to your local store to buy an alarm clock!
• Be intentional in replacing that smartphone time. Let’s face it, if you sit idly, the temptation will be too great. But if you start cooking, exercising, taking walks with your children, painting or anything else, you’ll be more successful in filling the gap.

Why?

• Because our children do what we do and not what we say. Because we know that children don’t learn empathy and emotional intelligence from screens. Because 80 percent of teens admit to checking their phones hourly and 72 percent saying they are overcome by the need to immediately respond to texts and social networking messages.
• Because the lure is dangerous. Because you post one photo and wait for feedback. Because while you wait, whether we realize it or not, the thought becomes what can I do next to keep my followers liking, commenting and maybe even sharing my posts? Because that social media pat on the head and positive affirmation is taking the place of adult social face-to-face interactions. And because it is creating a dangerous trend of chronicling your life, habits, favorite places, schedule and exact location (if you are not careful) with the entire world.
• And because while we have our noses buried in a screen, a beautiful life is passing us by. Take time today to do what you ask of your kids. Play. Paint. Talk. Walk. Run. Dance and do anything and everything you can that keeps you totally unplugged and completely connected to real live life.

Now that you have read and maybe even shared Sunday Mornings with Rania (I’m always so thankful you do!), join me in “shutting down” technology and “turning on” life. Will you?

Isaiah’s suicide is devastating. Nationally, law enforcement, joined by school educators and parents, are expressing concerns about the challenge as teens from Russia, Brazil and a half dozen other countries, including the USA, have lost their lives as a result of this illusive, underground game.

What it is:

Here’s what we know. The Blue Whale Challenge is a 50-day internet dare or obstacle course filled with daily tasks that encourages participants (mainly teens to young adults) to do things that range from watching horror films to self-mutilation. During the course of the game, players must take photos or videos of themselves confirming their completion of dangerous tasks, which escalate to the climax of suicide on the 50th day. According to the Washington Post, people interested in playing Blue Whale will post on social media and ask for a “curator.” That person, a complete stranger, then assigns the user 50 tasks to complete daily.

Where it came from:

The origin of the game and the inner workings of the game have left many shaking their heads. Some believe it started in Russia two years ago and is found deep within Facebook and Instagram; others say predators contact potential victims through cellphone apps and chat rooms.

According to Baldwin County Public School System in Alabama, reports have surfaced that claim that once teens start, the curator threatens them with harm to their families or with releasing personal information if the teens choose to stop participating. In Isaiah’s case, his sister noted that Isaiah’s curator had gathered personal information from Isaiah and had, in fact, threatened him and his family if Isaiah chose to walk away from the challenge.

What Now:

We must all be aware of this potential danger these online platforms are creating for our children. Facebook, aware of the increasing number of suicides broadcast on Facebook Live for example, recently announced that it will add 3,000 workers over the next year to monitor suicides and other live, violent videos.

While other factors are usually in play (like emotional and mental issues and substance abuse that make teens less able to cope with stress), the onset of social media pressures to engage in dangerous and risky behavior poses threats that are new and very disturbing. At this point, the risks and potential dangers cannot be ignored. Consider the following;

• Talk, talk and talk again to your teens about these potential risks and dangerous. Use real stories in an age-appropriate manner.
• Limit access to social media in general and limit the number of platforms they engage with.
• Don’t allow phones, computers, tablets or other electronics in the bedroom.
• Maintain access to your children’s accounts and be aware of the latest trends (do you know what hidden apps are and how to find them on your children’s electronics?)
• Talk about real threats vs. perceived threats. For example, if a teen is threatened that they or their family will be harmed, make sure they know they can share this threat with you and that you have the power and the ability to keep them safe. Walk them through how you and law enforcement can protect them and that many threats are in fact empty.
• Be especially aware and on top of social media use and engagement among students with emotional issues or increased anxiety.
• Remind teens that they can always tell you everything, always, at any time, no matter what they have already done or what choices (good or bad) they have already made. Their lives are more important than anything else.

Every day we do everything we can to keep our kids safe. Being aware of any and all online risks is just another step we take to proactively protect those we love. In this day and age, we simply have no choice. I love my kids; I love yours too. Working together, we can keep each other safe.

If you or anyone you know is considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 to speak with a crisis worker.

Here’s what you need to know now:

Houston city leaders came together to announce the shocking news after 80 grams of what appeared to be methamphetamine, was in fact tested and determined to be the very powerful opioid called carfentanil. According to reports, carfentanil is related to fentanyl (the opioid blamed for pop star singer Prince’s fatal overdose) but carfentanil is 100 times more powerful than fentanyl and 10,000 times more potent than morphine. To put it another way, in its typical use, carfentanil is used to sedate elephants. It’s now being sold to our children.

The substance, which was found in Houston in its powder form, looks like table salt and is so dangerous that contact with even a single grain (which may not be visible to the naked eye) can dangerously lower one’s heart and breathing rates, ultimately leading to death. The amount recently confiscated by HPD was enough for 4,000 lethal doses.

According to Dr. Peter Stout with the Houston Forensic Science Center:

Last week, we confirmed that a case that came into us on June 7, 2017 was, in fact, carfentanil. Just an 80 milligram amount could kill 4000 people. This stuff is really frightening. Nobody really knows what the lethal dose is. Its only legitimate use is as an elephant tranquilizer, so the estimates are a lethal dose is 20 micrograms. That would be 20 millionths of a gram… something so small, you’re not going to see it. What happens is that you stop breathing. As quickly as you suffocate, that’s as quickly as you die.

The fentanyl derivative is being imported from China according to reports and being used by dealers to subsidize their supply of opioids (i.e., heroin); it is also being added to counterfeit pain medications used by drug traffickers. Most recently, a 22-year-old man was arrested near a Katy post office after picking up a package from China which contained 102 grams of fentanyl according to Harris County Precinct 5 Constable Ted Heap. The man was charged with possession and intent to distribute. According to Constable Heap:

“I think many people, especially on this side of town, consider [opioid use] to be an epidemic at this time. We’ve had a lot of young adults who have overdosed and taking 100 grams of pure fentanyl off the street is something that I think will have an impact, not only on west Harris County, but on Houston, as a whole.”

In response to finding carfentanil in Houston, law enforcement is ordering thicker gloves, doubling up on gloves, specialized masks and tougher evidence bags. They are being told to assume any illegal pill or powder they encounter will have fentanyl or carfentanil from now on.

The reality is that teens and young adults across our city, from the greatest to the most challenging parts of town, have tried or are actively using forms of heroin and other opioids. We have known for some time that dealers can manipulate their supply without a care in the world for the user. Now we know that some of these dealers have access to the “most dangerous drug in America” and are not afraid to use it. It’s scary and worth a conversation today with those you love in your life.

Enter Snapchat and its newest feature Snap Map, a tracking system that shares users’ exact locations in real time. With a swipe of the fingers, the new Snap Map will open on your app and voila, you can see exactly where all your friends are and to some degree, what they might be doing, once again – In. Real. Time. What’s worse is that the update, launched just last week, was automatically added to each Snapchat account. That’s right, automatically added.

The map, which tracks the users’ (you or your teen’s) location, time of day, and activities (including things like speed of travel), creates and incorporates “actionmojis” (Huh!?!), a new type of “personalized avatar”, that represents the user on the map for all to see. If your teen is in a car, his/her “avatar” will show that, as well as where they are going. The actionmojis disappear after the user has been offline for several hours.

According to Snapchat: “We’ve built a whole new way to explore the world! See what’s happening, find your friends, and get inspired to go on an adventure!” With “safety” in mind, they later say: It’s also not possible to share your location with someone who isn’t already your friend on Snapchat, and the majority of interactions on Snapchat take place between close friends.”

Really!?! Dear Snapchat: No thank you. Also, have you ever met an average teen? The majority of their interactions on Snapchat do not take place between “close” friends. Signed, A very concerned mother

Think about:

• In today’s “teen online social networking culture” which is a mix of popularity defined by how many contacts you have vs. an acceptable form of following (or “trolling”) others – teens are 100 percent connected to and following people they know very well to people they have never met but follow. They also accept almost all followers…
• Are you okay with your child’s exact location and ultimately their daily patterns and schedules being trackable and shared with all their Snapchat “friends” both those known to you and them and those unknown?
• What about children that are bullied, picked on, in controlling relationships, fighting with friends, posting explicit photos or suggestive photos, expressing their loneliness online (do you know how often that happens? A LOT.), posting from their homes or schools or, on the flip side, posting photos of their new car, watch, bag, gadget or more? How is adding a map with their exact location a “positive” addition?
• Remember, your kids don’t know all their Snapchat “friends” (i.e., connections) and neither do you. Strangers (for sure), potential child predators (possibly), and an array of others should not have real-time, real-life access to your kids.

In response, consider opting out of Snap Map today by placing your account in Ghost Mode. Here’s how:

Step 1. Open Snapchat

Step 2. At the camera screen, place two fingers on the phone and “pinch” the screen or drag your pointer and thumb together towards the center of the phone.

Step 3. The Snap Map will automatically open

Step 4. Click settings and select from three options:

• “Ghost Mode” – this will make you invisible to everyone.
• “My Friends” – this allows all “your friends” (i.e., everyone you are connected to on Snapchat, many of whom you may not be friends with) to see your location.
• “Select Friends” – this allows you to elect only those you will allow to see your location at all times and in real-time. Parents, review this list with your child.

We recommend that you go into Ghost Mode or “Select Friends” with a list of only family and closest family friends. That said, going into Ghost Mode is also recommended by child safety group Childnet International, which said: “Given how specific this new feature is on Snapchat – giving your location to a precise pinpoint on a map – we would encourage users not to share their location, especially with people they don’t know in person. It is important to be careful about who you share your location with, as it can allow people to build up a picture of where you live, go to school and spend your time.”

Parents, we have so much to keep track of and at times it’s overwhelming. My goal is to keep you abreast of changes in technology to help you as we navigate the world of social media. Remember that other platforms share locations too. Twitter lets people add their locations to tweets for example and Facebook allows you to check-in showing where you are in real time. That said, all these other location sharing options require you to take a stepto share. Snap Map automatically shares where you are unless you know to opt-out and go into Ghost Mode. There’s a big difference.

And finally, as we go celebrate July 4th and the birth of our wonderful nation, everyone we know, including ourselves, will be taking photos and sharing. It’s a great time to remind our teens how to post, what to post and who to share information with. It’s about living life to the fullest in safety – and there is nothing wrong with that!

But because these powerful actions take place through such a small gadget, in what seems like such an enormous silo, it is almost impossible for these young minds to reconcile that their virtual actions have real-life consequences and that those consequences are significant, powerful, permanent and filled with legal liability.

That’s why Massachusetts teen Michelle Carter’s story is critical to understand. Carter, 17, was dating 18-year-old Conrad Roy. Through the course of their relationship, Roy expressed thoughts of suicide. Instead of seeking help, Carter, through a series of approximately 100 text messages, repeatedly encouraged and pressured Roy to kill himself, even sounding irritated when she would learn he hadn’t done it yet.

Here’s a small snippet of their texts:

7/12/14 12:40 AM Incoming From: Conrad Roy:  okayy

7/12/14 4:07 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy:   Conrad!

7/12/14 4:18 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy:  Hey you there?

7/12/14 4:19 AM Incoming From: Conrad Roy:  hey sorry I fell asleep

7/12/14 4:19 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy:  Its okay, Why haven’t you done it yet tho?

7/12/14 4:21 AM Incoming From: Conrad Roy: I’m too messed up to

7/12/14 4:21 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy:  What are you talking about

7/12/14 4:21 AM Incoming From: Conrad Roy: my head

7/12/14 4:22 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy: You can’t think about it You just have to do it? You said you were gonna do it like I don’t get why you arent

7/12/14 4:24 AM Incoming From: Conrad Roy: I don’t get it either. idk

7/12/14 4:25 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy: So I guess you aren’t gonna do it then, all that for nothing

7/12/14 4:27 AM Outgoing To: Conrad Roy: I’m just confused like you were so ready and determined

See all their texts, including their horrific exchange around the time of Roy’s death, here.

Three years after Roy’s death, the landmark case was just concluded and Carter, who is now 20, was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the death of Conrad Roy. She will be sentenced Aug. 3, 2017 and could face up to 20 years in prison.

This was a difficult case to follow. For the sake of Roy and teens who are dealing with issues across our globe, please, let’s all take a moment to talk to our kids about the following:

• Tell them about this case. Don’t hide it. Even if you are uncomfortable, if you have given your child a phone or allowed them to have any social media accounts, you owe it to them to share all the risks and dangers. Please, share the facts and talk through what Carter did wrong and what she should have done instead.
• Remind teens that virtual actions have real-life consequences. Some of those consequences are legal and forever life altering. Carter was found by the court to be virtually present when Roy died. Facing up to 20 years in prison, her life will never be the same.
• Know what to do when you don’t know how to respond. When you face a situation online you don’t know how to respond to, ask a trusted adult. Remember, anytime a person is expressing thoughts of suicide – no matter what stage they are in their conversation – alert, alert, alert someone you trust. Carter was not old enough, mature enough or wise enough to offer assistance to Roy. She should have talked to his parents or her parents, a teacher, police officer or a school resource officer.
• Your online activity is permanent. Every stroke, every letter, every like, share and comment is permanent. Whether you delete it or not, whether the app you are using says it will be erased or not, it’s all permanent. Everything lives on a server somewhere and can always be brought to light through the power of the courts and investigations.
• Nothing online is private. Even if you are in a private text series or in a private chat room or doing searches in a private browser, nothing is ever truly private. Don’t be deceived by platforms that say your identity and/or your actions are unknown; again, everything and anything can and will be brought to light through the power of the courts and investigators looking for illegal activity. There can never be an expectation of privacy online. While kids can often outsmart their parents and guardians online, they cannot outsmart a computer or technology forensic investigator.

I think you would agree, especially if you’ve read the texts, that this is a heart-breaking case. Roy did not truly want to die . . . he needed help. My thoughts are forever with his family. But the injustice of it all must get us fired up to do more when it comes to talking to and teaching our children. This current online, virtual world, is forcing us to do so. Who knows what the next 24 hours of their online activity will contain? Today is a great day to have important conversations and start standing in the gap. For the sake of Conrad Roy and others like him, let’s keep talking.